Web 2.022 v. 7 with Service Pack 2

2 07 2007

All this talk about “MySpaces” and “iPhones” and “YouTubes” and all the other casualties of these pronoun-infested times (iRony of this comment duly noted) are making me want to invent the “TheyThingy.” The TheyThingy is specially calibrated for doing all those things that would normally require person-to-person interaction. But now, with the TheyThingy, you can do everything from buying a hamburger to making a customer service complaint without so much opening your mouth. That on-hold queue never sounded so good!

[As a side note, I wanted to call it the “uHickey” as a clever play on the word “Doohickey,” but then I thought better of myself.] 

In other news, my third and most expensive MP3 player yet has bitten the dust after only maybe three weeks in operation. First, a brief history: For the longest time, I have resisted the turning wheels of progress, choosing instead to carry around a faithful CD player. That all changed when, after much coworker cajoling, I finally caved and bought a nice, relatively inexpensive “starter” player with 512MB onboard memory (stop laughing), expandable by 1 GB with an optional SD card insertion. Great. So the thing works OK but due to the fact that one button basically controls everything, it croaks after a few months. The Swiss Army Button wouldn’t work anymore. And that turned out to be the best player I had bought yet. I quickly replaced it with a similarly priced unit with 1 GB onboard and no expansion capability. That thing lasted about a month. Hesitant to rush in again, only to be trampled upon by the muddy shoes of disappointment, I weighed my options carefully. Finally, shortly after returning from my Vegas excursion, I settled on a 4 GB unit (surprisingly inexpensive, I noted, but significantly more costly than my previous two) at the local Super Wal-Mart. I know, I know. So finally, tonight, three weeks since the purchase, the volume buttons are not working. And I’m NOT HAPPY. Let me tell you, when I ain’t happy, ain’t NOBODY happy.

What irks me is this was the most expensive unit, and it lasted the least amount of time. When these players go bad, it’s always the same thing. The “volume up” button ceases to work, or the volume controls move up and down without my control as if some spring-loaded Evil Pointy-Headed Thingy inside has gone berserk. I have half a mind to open up that thing and see what’s going on inside, and possibly engage in some form of savagery rivaling the cathartic scenes of technological carnage witnessed in the hit film, “Office Space.” So take that, technology.

Now I can only wonder if it’s worthwhile to spring for an iPod, if only for better-quality construction.