Happy Fourth of July

4 07 2007

‘Tis Independence Day, my good fellows. Four score and seventeen years ago, our four fathers were fighting over which one was the real daddy. One of them started getting up in the other’s grill and before you know it, somebody done showed up and offered them four heads on Mount Rushmore, to which they gladly obliged.

All gross distortions of historical record aside, it’s a time to celebrate the origins of our country by watching explosives light up the evening sky.  It’s time to celebrate the various freedoms we enjoy. And, also a time to taunt your British cohorts, if you have them. (“You see those fireworks? How do you like them apples?”) So go forth and doo eet. Oh, and I was just thinking about some of the various freedoms we enjoy in the United States, so I included a few here, just to refresh your memory:

  • The freedom to laugh at the British
  • The freedom to go to the dentist
  • The freedom to eat hot dogs while dressed as a bunny
  • The freedom to kick arse (figuratively only)
  • The freedom to dance the Charleston
  • The freedom to talk about high colonics on your cell phone while in a general public space
  • The freedom to “fart in your general direction”
  • The freedom to go on whatever fad diet suits your fancy
  • The freedom to give someone the bird while driving
  • The freedom to have one of those obnoxious “honor roll” bumper stickers, whether it’s true or not
  • The freedom to have many cats (if you can care for them, and that’s a big “if”)
  • The freedom to purchase and use items shaped like SpongeBob SquarePants
  • The freedom to dress as a gorilla for no apparent reason
  • The freedom to walk up to someone and announce that you “like their style,” complete with the whole two-finger double barrel thing
  • The freedom to purchase jelly beans that taste like everything from papayas to Moo Goo Gai Pan
  • The freedom to eat a really smelly, aromatic lunch at your desk at work
  • The freedom to write silly things in your blog comparing Babar to a colonialist diatribe

On that note, have star-spangled day, my dear unseen reader.