Growing up

29 09 2007

There came a turning point in my life when I realized I was growing up and there was no turning back. I used to wish that aliens from the planet Zeldar or some other thing from the infinite abyss of Outer Space would land on the earthly soil and jazz things up a little for the human population. As I got older, I started thinking, “You know, that sounds kinda dangerous.” And from then on, a full-scale extraterrestrial invasion wasn’t nearly so attractive to think about.

And now, I sit with my new Georgia driver’s license (transferred from Arizona) tucked safely in my wallet. I just got it today, and in record time thanks to the efficiency of the state’s “DDS” (not dentists) centers. Normally the DMV/MVD takes way way long, and you sit for extremely long periods of time moving your eyes between a scrap of paper printed with a cryptic letter and number and looking at the little LED signs above the booths that seem to hold the fate of the universe in their screens. You then let go for a while and listen to Robo-Woman of Doom announce the letters and numbers as you visually scan a room full of people who are scary as all heck and possibly are in there because of their vehicular violations. And then there’s the average folks and tons of teen drivers and their parents. (I did see an elderly lady come in that was hunched over and using a walker. She looked as if she could hardly direct her own body, much less a giant hunk of metal. I’m hoping she was accompanying someone else, but who knows.) So hurray for getting in and out of there in a half hour; they called my number so fast I barely got to finish my paperwork at each step before it was time to go on to the next one. And this is the South we’re talking about…

Now, sentimental sap that I am, I have strange feelings about my new card. The AZ license is gone now, and I’m glad I took a few pictures of it earlier before handing it over. It’s a marvel of beauty, with an image of the Grand Canyon in the background. I still have my learner’s permit with a hole punched in the top. But now I have a real license that reflects my current residence, and the picture actually resembles me this time. That’s a plus. Not that it’s currently much more than a piece of plastic at the moment, but it is now free of that pesky “UNDER 21, YOU GOON” notice that has dogged me for the last three over-21 years. And now, I can start moving forward with various plans that I’ve had in the wings for a while. More on that later.





BULLETIN

26 09 2007

A press release has arrived in my inbox: The first seven days of October are designated as “Sleep Apnea Awareness Week.” FYI. I mean, I’m not trying to make fun here, but I wonder how one celebrates this week? Sleeping and snoring as loud as possible?





Don’t Tase me, sis!

21 09 2007

Pardon the bad joke. Look, I don’t have an opinion about *that* and I’m trying to remain impartial.

But anyways… according to my alma mater’s newspaper, for which I used to work, Taser International is coming out with a much more stylish, feminine kind of Taser. This is “shocking” news. Heh. Maybe they’ll offer custom skins and stick-on bling too, and BlueTooth compatibility.

Factoid: Taser International is based in Scottsdale, Arizona. It’s interesting. Say what you will, but with GoDaddy and Cold Stone Creamery alone, the ‘Dale is making some attempt to rock the Kokopelli-adorned free world.

As an aside, what is up with leaving your BlueTooth cell phone earpiece cemented to the ear for hours, even when one is not on the phone? I see this a lot and I think it borders a little on the ridiculous.





My stupid bug phobia

19 09 2007

I’m scared of bugs, and I’m being forced to face my fear. There’s this scary flying bug that looks like a roach or something and I can’t seem to kill it or make it go away. It ran behind the refrigerator and it’s too quick for me. I’m going to probably let it be there and then call for a bug spray session tomorrow.

I have no qualms (well a few) about killing cockroaches and the like, but I’m just tired of this crap and I don’t like things that fly. I’ve always been scared of bugs, and I ended up with the buggiest apartment. I hate that. Over time, I’ve lost my fear of killing roaches and things that crawl for the most part, but anything that’s large and flies is a bit much for me still. Right now, I’m freaking out. I can’t get a good reach at it. Should I just go to sleep like this? I can hear it flying around and I don’t want it to snuggle up next to me!

Ugh. I need to get some rest. I’m thinking the best strategy is to try and keep them from breeding, since it’s pretty much the norm for them to get into my place from time to time.





Injured list

18 09 2007

I believe I detailed this in other online locales, but I have some kind of annoying pain going on in my left thumb. It’s hard to type even though I’m hardly using that thumb. I blame the iPod click wheel for this. Beware, all, of the dangers inherent in modern devices!





I scream Sunday

17 09 2007

One of the joys of Sunday for me is working the early-morning shift, which inevitably is slow-going. Well not today. There was actual stuff going on, which was nice, I guess. I felt useful.

Anyway, on the way to work, I was  riding the TRAIN. (Come on ride the train, and ride it! Come on ride the train….) As per usual. But it was going really slow. Like 5 mph or something, it seemed. It took me an hour to get to Five Points (city center), which was absolutely Rick-diculous considering we weren’t even single-tracking. Man, oh man. It should only take 25-27 minutes on average. (Yes, I have it down to a science.)

And… I went to the mall in the evening and sat out on the patio to enjoy the nice weather, and then I went in and looked at clothing with alien motifs. Like, glittering colorful neon/gold-studded aliens that would make 50 Cent pause and sign up to go to a Star Trek convention. Yes, folks, aliens are *in* this fall fashion season.

In light of this, I thought I would write another bizarre poem:

Roswell’s just a few miles away
Roswell, Georgia, not New Mexico
So I don my alien apparel
And try not to go over a barrell
With extraterrestrial lexicon.

You probably saw me at the Dragon*Con,
Keeping one eye on the guy dressed for robotic cosplay
With a Macintosh cardboard-box codpiece on,
He put his geekish manhood on an LCD kind of display
But I was too busy listening to my old-school iPod Nano to stay.

Alas, it were that I had to board the train to nowhere in particular;
And I felt faster pumping through my heart’s ventricles
I was offered a free hug by a man covered in fake blood
And it was then that I understood
That my trips on the train were getting pretty spectacular.

Indeed, many a frustrating trip can inspire colorful vernacular
For while stuck in the train, we encounter an interesting population;
It’s a tough adjustment for those who prefer their interactions to be insular;
For you come into contact with every segment of societal persuasion.
You’ve got to factor the uniqueness of the experience into the overall equation.





Random stuff

16 09 2007

Boring weekend, moderately busy week at work. Lots of change is in the air.

Mom says she’s bought a hex bug that she wants to give to me. It’s essentially a ROBOTIC COCKROACH. Which is just what I need. I’ve killed a few roaches this week, as well as pantry beetles that have been spotted in here on a few occasions. I think I’ll like this high-tech bug thing. It just might help me bridge the gap between myself and my six-legged friends.

I am being informed that Equus is coming to NYC this year and it’s being suggested jokingly that I go. I can only giggle in response. (Actually I’ve already sort of unintentionally [meaning I didn’t exactly make a strong effort not to see them] seen pictures of the dreaded scene, so it’s probably all downhill from there. Is that too much information?)

Clones win! I find it amusing that the Register actually made a serious graphic diagram of the big last-minute play. I’m still waiting to hear about ASU’s game vs. San Diego State. Georgia Tech and the Braves both lost from what I’ve heard.

It’s nice and cool outside, about 60 degrees.  Winter is coming soon and fall is upon us. On one hand I’m happy and on the other hand I don’t like cold weather.





Poetry for tortured souls — edicion primero

10 09 2007

I’m feeling emotional. My heart is like a, a beating piston something. It’s like, beating, you know. Thump de thump. Over and over again. Besides indicating that I am in fact alive, this beating of my heart indicates somehow that I feel like writing poetry. I’m even wearing a corduroy cap right now. (You can’t prove a negative, so there.) Here goes nothing:

ISLAND CAFE

O Island Cafe, how I revel in your fake palm fronds
Bleach-haired himbos and babelicious blondes.
The best seat in the house is by the animatronic parrots —
See my cheesy Hawaiian shirt? I dare you to wear it.
I’d rather string some flowers around my neck, wanna trade?
‘Cause this might be my one and only chance to get leid.
O Island Cafe, how wonderful you are
Especially when I get a$10 daiquiri from the bar
Bring me some chips ‘n salsa, say you will
‘Cause I’ve wasted away all the salt in Margaritaville
When I go to the bathroom in a heady whirl,
I spring for the door decorated with a hula girl
‘Cause if I go for surfer dude,
I’ll be in the men’s room and that’s rude.
O Island Cafe, how I dig your seasoned fries
But to say this crap tastes good is a pile of lies
The only reason I’m here is for the crappy greenery
And all of that (if you catch my drift) island scenery.





Holy crap

7 09 2007

I forgot to mention that I saw Kevin Sorbo (that Hercules dude) in the flesh. I can die happy now. OK, not really.





Bleed American

7 09 2007

So where have I been all my life? Or at least this past week or so. That’s a good question. The answer is I’m currently ready to start sleeping off a long week. See, it’s Labor Day week and that means … you know what that means. So recent highlights include:

  • Working some heavy hours due to reduced holiday staffing and a desire to keep things at a reasonably productive level
  • Celebrating the contributions of the Working Man to the United States of America over Labor Day weekend by
    • A. Working (To be honest, everything is either closed or crowded, so I don’t mind working on this kind of holiday.)
    • B. Checking out the Dragon*Con (sci-fi/fantasy/anime/Star Trek/everything convention).
  • Riding the train home from work on Sunday and meeting a guy covered in fake blood holding a sign that says “free hugs”
  • Watching that guy and another guy not only engage in physical contact of the friendly-male sort, but also eat some of the bloodstuff
  • Finding out that the blood has a strawberry-mint essence
  • Getting “evil energy” drinks for free
  • Waiting in line
  • Fighting my way through crowds
  • Eating tasty Willy’s Mexican Grille chow in an eating area full of Storm Troopers
  • Watching a storm trooper trying to buy sundries in the souvenir shop without removing their costume.
  • Watching a storm trooper rip his helmet off in disgust and say to the security guard telling him to go to the other door: “Awwww, man!”
  • Not being able to tell friend from foe from security guard because everybody looks evil and weapons-equipped
  • That guy dressed as a robot with a cardboard codpiece made out of an Apple Macintosh box.

I like codpieces. They’re the best part of Ren Faires, which are otherwise typically hot, dusty, expensive and generally difficult, with often nightmarish traffic.

There’s a certain society in these Cons (at least this one) and it can be a little odd for people like me who feel sort of like outsiders. On the other hand, I saw a good deal of people doing Cosplay that wasn’t really true sci-fi or fantasy. There were Spartan cheerleaders, and I couldn’t count the number of “Clerks 2” work uniforms and Silent Bob wannabes. (Granted, there is a tiny bit of geekery present in these fandoms)

I think a funny storyline for a movie (of the cheesy romantic comedy sort) would be a person who tries to geek themself out to attract someone. I mean think about the humorous possibilities of Joe Cool…

[Pause to kill speedy roach intruder. Seriously.]

…trying to learn about D&D and putting on a fur suit at a convention. I think it would be totally sweet. Hell, I’m going to write it up.

It’s about time I got back to work on the Great American Novel. Until later, I bid you adieu. Anyway why am I dinking around on teh Internets at 3 a.m.? Shame on me.